Judgement Values

Last night i received my third punishment and was later told it was only punishment number two. Master and i spoke about it a bit and He corrected me and told me that He had only given me two punishment rapings.

Several years ago, an employer had me take the Myers-Briggs personality survey. i don't remember what my type was but the one glaring thing the survey concluded about me is that i can admit when i'm wrong, but, if i know deep down that i'm right, i'll go back and find the evidence and then bury the person with the facts.

i need to tread lightly here... i've actually had two previous punishments as documented in the December 18th post "Ouchies" and the December 25th post "Double Feature". After last night's punishment, i should be down to four.

Not sure how this is going to go when Master comes home. i know He checks the blog everyday and wonder how this will go over. Maybe He'll decide that He is still right and that the punishment count stands at five? That's His prerogative. He's in charge.

Judgement values are another unique element to O/our own relationship. i was previously trained by others that slaves are always in the wrong, even if they are technically right, slaves are always in the wrong.

This isn't the case with Master and i. When i'm right, Master will say so. This has taken some getting use to as it is now a mentality that i'm use to. i'm also not use to having my Master apologize to me when He feels He has wronged me.

Different relationships have different dynamics. My Master has different perspectives on how Master/slave relationships work and i'm very grateful to be serving a Man who recognizes that O/our relationship is a two way street.

The Weekend

Sunday has come and gone and that means another wonderful day spent with Master.

Saturday night W/we went out bar hopping and hit a couple of the other gay bars in town. W/we went to Greg's and felt it was some place W/we could hang out again. W/we've been told that Greg's is a Bear bar but there was a mixed crowd in terms of the gay animal labels.

After Greg's, W/we hit Talbott Street. Master paid cover and W/we didn't stay very long. There was a lot of vagina there and the crowd seemed to be mostly under the age of 25. W/we left Talbott Street and went to the Five, where W/we have hung out before.

Nothing really to report there.

Sunday morning W/we tried a crepe place close to O/our apartment. W/we had "meal" crepes for breakfast and they were just "okay". The dessert crepe W/we had was really good!

Afterwards W/we went out and explored areas of the city that W/we have no previously explored. W/we drove by the Indianapolis Motor Speedway and explored The Westside a bit. W/we traveled down the Interstate a ways and wound up at an Outlet Center about forty-five minutes outside of town.

Bummed around there for a bit before heading back to Indy.

i was allowed to hit the local cigar shop though i went there alone. Master stayed home to read and eventually dozed off on the couch.

Upon my return, W/we went to Ted's Montana Grill and had an excellent meal. i had been to a Ted's before and Master had not. Master stated earlier in the day that there aren't too many restaurants that W/we both enjoy. Usually one of U/us will appreciate an establishment much more than the other. However, this wasn't the case with Ted's.

Master ordered for me as He sometimes does. He took my advice and ordered a round of onion rings and W/we both had bison burgers. Everything was great!!

W/we came home and watched O/our new obsession: Cutthroat Kitchen.

W/we went to bed at a decent hour.

Master started to slowly caress my body as i started to drift off to La La Land. i guess i became aroused and Master took care of that arousal and even allowed me to orgasm!! Talk about topping off the day with a, err, cherry!

It's Electric

Last night prior to going to bed Master and i kissed and as O/our noses touched an electric spark was created. 

Symbolism at its finest. 

Used and Rewarded

Last night Master took advantage of having His slave lay next to Him in bed.

W/we both decided to call it an earlier night as W/we both had long days after staying up way to late on Sunday night.

Master read a book on His tablet while i laid next to Him playing poker online. About an hour into O/our quiet alone time with one another, Master grabbed my cock and very gently started caressing it. Over time, i would become aroused. And then i began playing with one of Master's nipples to reciprocate the pleasure He was allowing me to have.

Some time had passed and i started playing with His cock until it got hard, and Master forced me to suck Him to completion with Him dumping a large load down my throat. i asked for permission to orgasm myself, something i have been denied at every request in the past, and was allowed to have an orgasm as well. i figure the worst thing Master can say when i ask to have an orgasm is "no" so it doesn't do me any good if i don't ask.

Shortly following His surgery, W/we came to an agreement that i wouldn't pressure or initiate any kind of sexual activity until He was well enough and/or ready to do it on His terms.

One of the unique things about O/our Master/slave dynamic, which i might add is not common for many other Master/slave relationships, is that i have the ability to initiate sex whenever i choose. When i initiate sex, there are no guarantees that W/we'll have sex, nor that i will be allowed to orgasm, but Master felt that i should be allowed to initiate sex and it doesn't always have to be Him initiating it.

What Master isn't aware of until He reads this was what's been going on in my head.

i've been struggling a bit the past few days with my own desire to pleasure myself while Master recovers. He allowed me to orgasm about ten days ago which would've put me on a schedule of sorts to lengthen the time between orgasms from three weeks to four weeks.

W/we hadn't had sex of any kind since Christmas due to a multitude of factors, including His surgery of course, as well as some other things that i've experienced health wise. It's nobody's fault. It's just how life has played out over the past few weeks.

But i've been in my head and haven't previously expressed this to Master because i didn't want to pressure Him into having sex, especially since W/we agreed to the aforementioned terms. i also realize that i am His slave and my purpose is to serve His wants and needs before my own. i know my place deep down even if i don't always speak or behave like i do.

i love Master very much and i care about Him like His own mother, as He tends to remind me. He takes care of my wants and needs too. W/we have O/our Sundays together even if it means sitting in a smoke filled cigar bar while i smoke a three hour stick while watching playoff football games... He does a lot of really great things for me to show His appreciation for my service to Him. i know He spoils me rotten and how lucky i am to have a Master like Him own me.

i wouldn't say that i've been sexually frustrated the past few weeks. The thought was starting to enter my mind but the feeling of sexual frustration wasn't there. i've really been focused on His health and recovery as a caregiver and not so much as His slave.

my life here has become quite monotonous as i continue to seek employment. i do basic household chores, prepare every meal, laundry, and go to the gym. i rarely leave the apartment except for weekly grocery shopping and my volunteer commitment and Master has actually encouraged me to get out more and be more active. It's just tough to do that because i don't have the financial means to just go out and have fun without Him. i'd rather He be there with me so W/we can have fun together.

Hopefully in a few weeks things will change. Hopefully i can find a job and start to financially contribute to the household. i want to go back to work and am making a daily effort to send out resumes and cover letters.

It's hard to believe that twelve years ago the life that i am living now is what i sought and lived for a year, and really enjoyed it at the time. i guess that it was easier to serve two Masters who held day jobs, where there weren't any romantic feelings involved, and i never had to worry about financials because my job was to take care of the house.

i enjoy serving Master. i'll do almost anything He wants or asks of me to do. i love Him. i care about Him. If this is what He wanted from me in the long run, to be His kept slave, who knows? i'd certainly give it a shot to please Him. i have much more freedom and privileges in my current relationship with Master than the two Masters i served for a year.

i told Master around the first of the year that i was very happy with where W/we were in O/our journey together. Three weeks later that hasn't changed. Things are going great. W/we've had some ups and downs but what relationship, no matter the dynamic, doesn't have those those ups and downs?

i just need to get out of my head so much and focus on O/our goals.

Easier said than done.

Correction: Annoyed Post

i've edited the previous post as i did not properly convey what i was feeling at the moment.

The purpose of this blog is for me to express my feelings over the course of O/our relationship and while i was annoyed and a bit angry the other night, i should've made sure i accurately assessed the feelings i felt with better sentence structure.

my apologies to Master.

Annoyed

i'm really annoyed at the moment. i should be sleeping but i need to focus on why i'm here and what O/our goals are. i have an interview for a job later today but...

i have learned while wearing Master's collar just how sensitive i am and can be at times. 

But tonight while laying in bed i asked Master a question that apparently i've asked a few times before, but, i honestly don't recall ever getting a straight answer so i asked again. 

Master verbally scolded me for asking Him that question so many times and turned away from me. 

This hurt my feelings because, i feel as if sometimes He doesn't listen to O/our day to day conversations over little shit. i'm always reminding Him of conversations W/we've previously had because He always forgets. i'm not saying it's always like that.  

i don't fault Him for it; i've just chalked it up to it being what it is. 

Sometimes i do feel like He just tunes me out because He doesn't want to engage in conversation. i'll move onto another topic and He will "uh huh, uh huh, uh huh" me and later when He brings it up He doesn't remember U/us having a conversation W/we had until i remind Him what He said. 

So tonight i asked about travel plans He has and was scolded for asking that question again. i don't recall that question ever being asked, but if i forgot, i apologize. 

It hurts me because what seems like everyday to me is that W/we're having conversations that He doesn't remember U/us having. 

The one time i do something He always does and i'm the bad guy?!?!

Sunday Is My Favorite Day of the Week

It's true.

Sundays are my favorite days of the week. They are my favorite day because it's the day that Master focuses 100% of His attention on me.

Selfish of me to a degree but i digress.

So far, Sundays are usually a day out of the town.

Last week W/we stayed in and vegged all day before going to dinner.

Master isn't a fan of sports at all and He's been a good sport (see what i did there?) about sitting through football games on a couple of Sundays. W/we spent the first half of the AFC Championship watching Denver and New England slug it out at brunch and later hit a local cigar bar for the end of the game.

Master sits and does things on His tablet while i smoke cigars and watch the game.

i'm looking forward to Super Bowl Sunday as W/we aren't going to watch the game.

W/we're going to Fogo de Chao for Master's first meal there.

How can You not like a place where they offer fifteen different kinds of meat?