Judgement Values

Last night i received my third punishment and was later told it was only punishment number two. Master and i spoke about it a bit and He corrected me and told me that He had only given me two punishment rapings.

Several years ago, an employer had me take the Myers-Briggs personality survey. i don't remember what my type was but the one glaring thing the survey concluded about me is that i can admit when i'm wrong, but, if i know deep down that i'm right, i'll go back and find the evidence and then bury the person with the facts.

i need to tread lightly here... i've actually had two previous punishments as documented in the December 18th post "Ouchies" and the December 25th post "Double Feature". After last night's punishment, i should be down to four.

Not sure how this is going to go when Master comes home. i know He checks the blog everyday and wonder how this will go over. Maybe He'll decide that He is still right and that the punishment count stands at five? That's His prerogative. He's in charge.

Judgement values are another unique element to O/our own relationship. i was previously trained by others that slaves are always in the wrong, even if they are technically right, slaves are always in the wrong.

This isn't the case with Master and i. When i'm right, Master will say so. This has taken some getting use to as it is now a mentality that i'm use to. i'm also not use to having my Master apologize to me when He feels He has wronged me.

Different relationships have different dynamics. My Master has different perspectives on how Master/slave relationships work and i'm very grateful to be serving a Man who recognizes that O/our relationship is a two way street.

The Weekend

Sunday has come and gone and that means another wonderful day spent with Master.

Saturday night W/we went out bar hopping and hit a couple of the other gay bars in town. W/we went to Greg's and felt it was some place W/we could hang out again. W/we've been told that Greg's is a Bear bar but there was a mixed crowd in terms of the gay animal labels.

After Greg's, W/we hit Talbott Street. Master paid cover and W/we didn't stay very long. There was a lot of vagina there and the crowd seemed to be mostly under the age of 25. W/we left Talbott Street and went to the Five, where W/we have hung out before.

Nothing really to report there.

Sunday morning W/we tried a crepe place close to O/our apartment. W/we had "meal" crepes for breakfast and they were just "okay". The dessert crepe W/we had was really good!

Afterwards W/we went out and explored areas of the city that W/we have no previously explored. W/we drove by the Indianapolis Motor Speedway and explored The Westside a bit. W/we traveled down the Interstate a ways and wound up at an Outlet Center about forty-five minutes outside of town.

Bummed around there for a bit before heading back to Indy.

i was allowed to hit the local cigar shop though i went there alone. Master stayed home to read and eventually dozed off on the couch.

Upon my return, W/we went to Ted's Montana Grill and had an excellent meal. i had been to a Ted's before and Master had not. Master stated earlier in the day that there aren't too many restaurants that W/we both enjoy. Usually one of U/us will appreciate an establishment much more than the other. However, this wasn't the case with Ted's.

Master ordered for me as He sometimes does. He took my advice and ordered a round of onion rings and W/we both had bison burgers. Everything was great!!

W/we came home and watched O/our new obsession: Cutthroat Kitchen.

W/we went to bed at a decent hour.

Master started to slowly caress my body as i started to drift off to La La Land. i guess i became aroused and Master took care of that arousal and even allowed me to orgasm!! Talk about topping off the day with a, err, cherry!

It's Electric

Last night prior to going to bed Master and i kissed and as O/our noses touched an electric spark was created. 

Symbolism at its finest. 

Used and Rewarded

Last night Master took advantage of having His slave lay next to Him in bed.

W/we both decided to call it an earlier night as W/we both had long days after staying up way to late on Sunday night.

Master read a book on His tablet while i laid next to Him playing poker online. About an hour into O/our quiet alone time with one another, Master grabbed my cock and very gently started caressing it. Over time, i would become aroused. And then i began playing with one of Master's nipples to reciprocate the pleasure He was allowing me to have.

Some time had passed and i started playing with His cock until it got hard, and Master forced me to suck Him to completion with Him dumping a large load down my throat. i asked for permission to orgasm myself, something i have been denied at every request in the past, and was allowed to have an orgasm as well. i figure the worst thing Master can say when i ask to have an orgasm is "no" so it doesn't do me any good if i don't ask.

Shortly following His surgery, W/we came to an agreement that i wouldn't pressure or initiate any kind of sexual activity until He was well enough and/or ready to do it on His terms.

One of the unique things about O/our Master/slave dynamic, which i might add is not common for many other Master/slave relationships, is that i have the ability to initiate sex whenever i choose. When i initiate sex, there are no guarantees that W/we'll have sex, nor that i will be allowed to orgasm, but Master felt that i should be allowed to initiate sex and it doesn't always have to be Him initiating it.

What Master isn't aware of until He reads this was what's been going on in my head.

i've been struggling a bit the past few days with my own desire to pleasure myself while Master recovers. He allowed me to orgasm about ten days ago which would've put me on a schedule of sorts to lengthen the time between orgasms from three weeks to four weeks.

W/we hadn't had sex of any kind since Christmas due to a multitude of factors, including His surgery of course, as well as some other things that i've experienced health wise. It's nobody's fault. It's just how life has played out over the past few weeks.

But i've been in my head and haven't previously expressed this to Master because i didn't want to pressure Him into having sex, especially since W/we agreed to the aforementioned terms. i also realize that i am His slave and my purpose is to serve His wants and needs before my own. i know my place deep down even if i don't always speak or behave like i do.

i love Master very much and i care about Him like His own mother, as He tends to remind me. He takes care of my wants and needs too. W/we have O/our Sundays together even if it means sitting in a smoke filled cigar bar while i smoke a three hour stick while watching playoff football games... He does a lot of really great things for me to show His appreciation for my service to Him. i know He spoils me rotten and how lucky i am to have a Master like Him own me.

i wouldn't say that i've been sexually frustrated the past few weeks. The thought was starting to enter my mind but the feeling of sexual frustration wasn't there. i've really been focused on His health and recovery as a caregiver and not so much as His slave.

my life here has become quite monotonous as i continue to seek employment. i do basic household chores, prepare every meal, laundry, and go to the gym. i rarely leave the apartment except for weekly grocery shopping and my volunteer commitment and Master has actually encouraged me to get out more and be more active. It's just tough to do that because i don't have the financial means to just go out and have fun without Him. i'd rather He be there with me so W/we can have fun together.

Hopefully in a few weeks things will change. Hopefully i can find a job and start to financially contribute to the household. i want to go back to work and am making a daily effort to send out resumes and cover letters.

It's hard to believe that twelve years ago the life that i am living now is what i sought and lived for a year, and really enjoyed it at the time. i guess that it was easier to serve two Masters who held day jobs, where there weren't any romantic feelings involved, and i never had to worry about financials because my job was to take care of the house.

i enjoy serving Master. i'll do almost anything He wants or asks of me to do. i love Him. i care about Him. If this is what He wanted from me in the long run, to be His kept slave, who knows? i'd certainly give it a shot to please Him. i have much more freedom and privileges in my current relationship with Master than the two Masters i served for a year.

i told Master around the first of the year that i was very happy with where W/we were in O/our journey together. Three weeks later that hasn't changed. Things are going great. W/we've had some ups and downs but what relationship, no matter the dynamic, doesn't have those those ups and downs?

i just need to get out of my head so much and focus on O/our goals.

Easier said than done.

Correction: Annoyed Post

i've edited the previous post as i did not properly convey what i was feeling at the moment.

The purpose of this blog is for me to express my feelings over the course of O/our relationship and while i was annoyed and a bit angry the other night, i should've made sure i accurately assessed the feelings i felt with better sentence structure.

my apologies to Master.

Annoyed

i'm really annoyed at the moment. i should be sleeping but i need to focus on why i'm here and what O/our goals are. i have an interview for a job later today but...

i have learned while wearing Master's collar just how sensitive i am and can be at times. 

But tonight while laying in bed i asked Master a question that apparently i've asked a few times before, but, i honestly don't recall ever getting a straight answer so i asked again. 

Master verbally scolded me for asking Him that question so many times and turned away from me. 

This hurt my feelings because, i feel as if sometimes He doesn't listen to O/our day to day conversations over little shit. i'm always reminding Him of conversations W/we've previously had because He always forgets. i'm not saying it's always like that.  

i don't fault Him for it; i've just chalked it up to it being what it is. 

Sometimes i do feel like He just tunes me out because He doesn't want to engage in conversation. i'll move onto another topic and He will "uh huh, uh huh, uh huh" me and later when He brings it up He doesn't remember U/us having a conversation W/we had until i remind Him what He said. 

So tonight i asked about travel plans He has and was scolded for asking that question again. i don't recall that question ever being asked, but if i forgot, i apologize. 

It hurts me because what seems like everyday to me is that W/we're having conversations that He doesn't remember U/us having. 

The one time i do something He always does and i'm the bad guy?!?!

Sunday Is My Favorite Day of the Week

It's true.

Sundays are my favorite days of the week. They are my favorite day because it's the day that Master focuses 100% of His attention on me.

Selfish of me to a degree but i digress.

So far, Sundays are usually a day out of the town.

Last week W/we stayed in and vegged all day before going to dinner.

Master isn't a fan of sports at all and He's been a good sport (see what i did there?) about sitting through football games on a couple of Sundays. W/we spent the first half of the AFC Championship watching Denver and New England slug it out at brunch and later hit a local cigar bar for the end of the game.

Master sits and does things on His tablet while i smoke cigars and watch the game.

i'm looking forward to Super Bowl Sunday as W/we aren't going to watch the game.

W/we're going to Fogo de Chao for Master's first meal there.

How can You not like a place where they offer fifteen different kinds of meat?

An Update

An update as i begin to get my day going.

Saturday night Master stated i could use a night out after being His caregiver for a full week. i went to the local bar that i've spoken about on here before, The 501, to support slave ai's Master in their annual Mr. 501 Leather contest.

Disclaimer: What i'm about to say has been deemed quite offensive by others in the past, so if a possible uncensored opinion about how strongly i feel on this subject might offend Y/you, skip down to later in the post. Please do not send U/us feedback on what i'm about to say, it is my opinion, W/we don't live the lifestyle in the Old Guard, and quite frankly, i've been involved in the community long enough that my opinion will not change anytime soon.

So to put it out there without beating around the bush, i think Leather contests are nothing but drag shows or drag pageants where men put on attire that they don't wear in their day to day lives to become a persona that only exists on the weekends.

 i have the utmost respect for true leather people. A basic understanding of what a leather person is, from an Old Guard point of view, is someone who lives life while dressed in leather. There are people out there who truly live a leather lifestyle, who wear their leathers out to the mall, grocery store, or anywhere else in public.

Most men who participate in these contests are weekend warriors and there's nothing wrong with that. People have various reasons for entering these contests such as giving back to the community or other less respectable reasons like those that are ego driven.

Just as is the case with a drag pageant, there are several different areas where contestants compete for points to determine a winner. Some of these areas include an interview with the judge's panel, acting out a fantasy in front of the audience, jockstrap wear, formal leather attire, and so on and so forth.

In the event that only one contestant runs for a title, he must meet a minimum amount of points in order to win said title. The title isn't just handed to him because he's to only contestant.

In theory, the purpose of winning a title is to support the community and promote the organization whom decided you earned the title. In reality, what happens it the winner will hold a number of fundraisers through out the course of the year to build a travel fund to help him get to regionals, nationals, or even the international competitions. And this is where my opinion of the system is flawed.

i feel that the money raised by titleholders has more practical uses than flying someone across the country for the opportunity to earn himself the chance to carry out these duties on a high platform. The money that is raised comes from the local leather communities should stay in the local leather communities. So many GLBTQ organizations struggle with an inability to raise funds to their causes, including the subset of the leather community, and i feel very strongly that these monies should be invested back into the community and not used to give someone a vacation in Chicago, Washington, D.C. or Palm Springs.

Imagine a system where the titleholder competes for the opportunity to raise funds for an organization that he is passionate about, whether it be HIV/Aids research, prevention, outreach, education, or a GLBTQ food pantry, a gay pride event, a political organization fighting for the advancement of equality such as same-sex marriage, etc.

As a GLBTQ activist, it breaks my heart to see all this money around the world that is being raised so hundreds of men can compete potentially at an international level. To back up my claim as a GLBTQ activist, i have personally been involved in the planning an execution of fifteen different pride events up and down the East Coast, i've volunteered for leather contests, circuit parties, film festivals, youth advocacy groups, and even an organization who cares for displaced GLBTQ youth.

From a historical standpoint, back when same-sex marriage became THE issue back in 2003, the religious right continually kicked our asses because they were able to organize and raise funds to block civil unions. Back in 2003, a time when i was very much involved in GLBTQ activism, we as a community didn't have a centralized unified vision for our future that we have today.

That's where i'm coming from on the subject of leather contests and why i don't support them.

i'll step down off my soapbox now.

On Sunday, Master and i had a veg day. W/we sat around for the better part of the afternoon and watched television. Nothing too exciting.

Mondays and Thursdays are my usual allotted "free time" as Master has another commitment on both of these days. Because of His recent surgery, He is currently unable to physically perform the duties required of this commitment so i helped Him out of His work mule in terms of the physical workload.

Yesterday Master returned to work full time and i am starting to get back into my domestic routine.

i've accepted a role within the Indy Pride organization that will consume every Tuesday night until late June.

Amen

Losing My Routine

i've received a few comments offline that i should be blogging more and Y/you're right!

i've been out of my normal day to day routine for much of the past week with Master being home and assisting with His recovery efforts.

One of the things that He did for me this week was download a game that i use to play religiously prior to moving to Indiana, Roller Coaster Tycoon 2. For the past few days, when i've been allowed evening computer time, i've been playing my computer game.

Seems Master has finally found a way to shut me up when He's home... Allow His slave to play it's computer game and the slave will go hours on end without saying a word!

Prior to yesterday, W/we really fell out of O/our routine because of Master's surgery last week. W/we spent the week dealing with a crippling blizzard where the lovely City of Indianapolis did not plow the roads making post storm road conditions quite hazardous.

W/we spent the week in front of the TV.

When it comes to entertainment, Master and i share virtually no common interests. i am more of a comedy/raunchy kind of slave and He prefers science fiction and horror. Well, this week i introduced Master to "Cutthroat Kitchen" on Food Network and there is a now a show W/we can enjoy together!

During the past week, Master saw a different side of me. He was aware prior to my arrival of my naturally dominant personality. Outside of the bedroom, i tend to be more of a take charge type slave. However when it comes to the things W/we do behind closed doors i don't enjoy being the Dominant. i enjoy fucking another guy in the ass, preferably bareback, but i'll only do the BB thing if i'm in a committed monogamous relationship. That's where my Dominant traits end as far as sexual activities. i'm very passive in the bedroom and get off, both mentally and physically, on pleasing another Man.

With Master's return to work yesterday, i was able to start to get back into my routine. i completed a bunch of chores that needed to be done. When Master is home, He usually wants me at His feet on the floor. Though W/we haven't actually discussed it, i get the sense that Master feels when He is home that is O/our time together and i should have already had my chores completed during the day.

In other non-BDSM lifestyle news, i have had two pretty big developments arise this week. i've been offered a volunteer position within the local gay community, the broad gay community as opposed to the leather sub-community. i'll probably announce what that is when i become official on Tuesday night.

i also have a full-time job interview lined up for Tuesday as well.

W/we're back!!

i brought Master home yesterday in the middle of blizzard like conditions and W/we spent the day sleeping. 

Personally i had four friends/family enter the hospital prior to Master's hospitalization this weekend since December 2012, with three of the aforementioned four visits resulting in deaths. 

Master's procedure is usually considered to be outpatient surgery but since the surgery was so late in the day, they held Him overnight for observation. 

With all these hospitalizations, i kind of knew what to expect when Master got home, and as usual, my sensitivity kicked in and Master unintentionally hurt my feelings. 

W/we'd talk about those events later in the day and W/we were able to effectively communicate O/our concerns to each other.

Master is doing very well today, feeling better, with the exception of the lack of range of mobility in the area where He was operated on. 

Get Well Master

When Master woke up this morning He had no idea how this day would unfold.

He'd have surgery early this evening and i'm very happy to report that His surgery was successful and He should be released tomorrow.

In the meantime, i may not be posting as much this week, depends on His wants and needs. i will be His caregiver until He's back up on His feet.

Stick around, W/we'll be back to O/our regular blogging soon.

Get Well Soon Master, and i love You very much.

slave chance

Lesson Learned

Surprising Master with a side of bacon puts Him in a VERY good mood in the morning...

Happy New Year from A Master and His slave

To kick off the start of a new year, Master and i had a dinner date at a gay owned and operated restaurant called Forty-Five, located in the heart of Indy's small gayborhood.

Forty-Five serves Asian food and offers sushi as well.

W/we shared to sushi rolls, a typical California roll as well as a roll that they call Godzilla. The Godzilla is a fully cooked roll with crab meat, cream cheese, and avocado. They then bake crab meat on top of the the entire roll, which was freakin' awesome.

Master had a chicken satay dish that was excellent and i had a blue buffalo salad. my salad was essentially a grilled chicken salad where the chicken was glazed in buffalo sauce with asian seasonings and with blue cheese. W/we both O/our meals were excellent.

For dessert, Forty-Five offers a Bacon Brownie Ala Mode and it was awesome! i can't say i've ever heard of anyone putting bacon in a brownie, but OMFG it was awesome!

After leaving the restaurant we headed to the Five to ring in the New Year. W/we had a few drinks and spent the night chatting with slave ai.

A stop at White Castle on the way home was a perfect way to end a great night.