Used and Rewarded

Last night Master took advantage of having His slave lay next to Him in bed.

W/we both decided to call it an earlier night as W/we both had long days after staying up way to late on Sunday night.

Master read a book on His tablet while i laid next to Him playing poker online. About an hour into O/our quiet alone time with one another, Master grabbed my cock and very gently started caressing it. Over time, i would become aroused. And then i began playing with one of Master's nipples to reciprocate the pleasure He was allowing me to have.

Some time had passed and i started playing with His cock until it got hard, and Master forced me to suck Him to completion with Him dumping a large load down my throat. i asked for permission to orgasm myself, something i have been denied at every request in the past, and was allowed to have an orgasm as well. i figure the worst thing Master can say when i ask to have an orgasm is "no" so it doesn't do me any good if i don't ask.

Shortly following His surgery, W/we came to an agreement that i wouldn't pressure or initiate any kind of sexual activity until He was well enough and/or ready to do it on His terms.

One of the unique things about O/our Master/slave dynamic, which i might add is not common for many other Master/slave relationships, is that i have the ability to initiate sex whenever i choose. When i initiate sex, there are no guarantees that W/we'll have sex, nor that i will be allowed to orgasm, but Master felt that i should be allowed to initiate sex and it doesn't always have to be Him initiating it.

What Master isn't aware of until He reads this was what's been going on in my head.

i've been struggling a bit the past few days with my own desire to pleasure myself while Master recovers. He allowed me to orgasm about ten days ago which would've put me on a schedule of sorts to lengthen the time between orgasms from three weeks to four weeks.

W/we hadn't had sex of any kind since Christmas due to a multitude of factors, including His surgery of course, as well as some other things that i've experienced health wise. It's nobody's fault. It's just how life has played out over the past few weeks.

But i've been in my head and haven't previously expressed this to Master because i didn't want to pressure Him into having sex, especially since W/we agreed to the aforementioned terms. i also realize that i am His slave and my purpose is to serve His wants and needs before my own. i know my place deep down even if i don't always speak or behave like i do.

i love Master very much and i care about Him like His own mother, as He tends to remind me. He takes care of my wants and needs too. W/we have O/our Sundays together even if it means sitting in a smoke filled cigar bar while i smoke a three hour stick while watching playoff football games... He does a lot of really great things for me to show His appreciation for my service to Him. i know He spoils me rotten and how lucky i am to have a Master like Him own me.

i wouldn't say that i've been sexually frustrated the past few weeks. The thought was starting to enter my mind but the feeling of sexual frustration wasn't there. i've really been focused on His health and recovery as a caregiver and not so much as His slave.

my life here has become quite monotonous as i continue to seek employment. i do basic household chores, prepare every meal, laundry, and go to the gym. i rarely leave the apartment except for weekly grocery shopping and my volunteer commitment and Master has actually encouraged me to get out more and be more active. It's just tough to do that because i don't have the financial means to just go out and have fun without Him. i'd rather He be there with me so W/we can have fun together.

Hopefully in a few weeks things will change. Hopefully i can find a job and start to financially contribute to the household. i want to go back to work and am making a daily effort to send out resumes and cover letters.

It's hard to believe that twelve years ago the life that i am living now is what i sought and lived for a year, and really enjoyed it at the time. i guess that it was easier to serve two Masters who held day jobs, where there weren't any romantic feelings involved, and i never had to worry about financials because my job was to take care of the house.

i enjoy serving Master. i'll do almost anything He wants or asks of me to do. i love Him. i care about Him. If this is what He wanted from me in the long run, to be His kept slave, who knows? i'd certainly give it a shot to please Him. i have much more freedom and privileges in my current relationship with Master than the two Masters i served for a year.

i told Master around the first of the year that i was very happy with where W/we were in O/our journey together. Three weeks later that hasn't changed. Things are going great. W/we've had some ups and downs but what relationship, no matter the dynamic, doesn't have those those ups and downs?

i just need to get out of my head so much and focus on O/our goals.

Easier said than done.