Bedtime Talk

Master and i had a great conversation last night while W/we were laying in bed. Master expressed a concern that W/we may not be where W/we want to be at this point in O/our relationship.  i think Master may have been surprised to learn that i am quite happy with where W/we are.

W/we talked about varying degrees of control prior to my relocation here and W/we both had interest in exploring the hardercore aspects of M/s. Over the past thirty days, W/we've found a niche that works for U/us, and while W/we aren't having all kinds of kinky sex, i'm very happy with where W/we are right now.

Personally i don't see a reason to change something that is working out so well. But then again, it's not up to me to make that decision for U/us. Master has decision making authority as to how He guides O/our relationship. i couldn't be happier right now.

i'm serving a Man domestically that i am madly in love with and there are aspects of M/s prevalent in O/our daily lives. Master did something for me yesterday that i am so unbelievably grateful for, that words cannot describe, that will strengthen my value to O/our relationship in the long run. He's truly giving me the fresh start that i so badly needed.

Even before the breakdown, my life had spun out of control. i was an alcoholic with two stints of time in Alcoholics Anonymous as well as a regular drug user. Master controls how much alcohol i consume and i haven't been drunk since the Ravens won the Super Bowl back in February. i haven't used any drugs since i've been here though Master every now and then revisits the subject of marijuana use. i wasn't a daily smoker of marijuana and it was a resource i used to relax prior to the breakdown to cope with the stresses of everyday life. Financially speaking, i was in ruins. i was on the verge of bankruptcy and Master has laid a foundation to turn my life around in that regard.

i am very much looking forward O/our New Year's Eve celebration tonight. W/we're going to a gay owned and operated restaurant for sushi before going to the 501, the leather bar here in Indianapolis.

Lastly, i'd like to dedicate this post to a Man that will also hold a very special place in my heart, Daddy Jim Raymond of Washington, D.C. who passed away last night at the age of fifty-six. Daddy Jim was a well respected leatherman all across the United States who took pride in mentoring submissives such as myself. He taught me how to service my Dominants better and taught me the fundamentals of Safe Sane and Consensual. Daddy Jim, You provided me with many memories that will be with me the rest of my natural life. Rest In Peace my friend.

An Update

Wells it's been a few days since my last post and there isn't too much to update.

i completed a project of putting together a dresser from IKEA that took me a while to complete. i have a tendency to procrastinate on tasks Master assigns for me. i'm good on the day to day household chores, but tend to get intimidated by tasks that i've never completed before, such as using tools like a hammer or a screw driver.

W/we've seen a few movies over the past week and i'd highly recommend seeing "Saving Mr. Banks". Excellent film. W/we also went to see "The Wolf of Wall Street" which was an okay movie but it was just too damn long. The first half of the movie was hilarious and the latter half was not funny at all. Three hours and ten minutes on "The Wolf of Wall Street". A little too long for me.

Master brought me home a bouquet of roses and i was shocked. i've never received flowers from anyone that i've dated before. Master really knows how to tug my heart strings.

He's bettering me as His slave and taking care of things for me i would never ask of Him in a million years.

i always knew that the potential for a great life with Him was there and He's performing more actions than words.

W/we've spent more time with slave ai and that friendship seems to be developing well.

Thank You Master

Christmas with Master was very special for me. He gave me a few special gifts such as my own dog bowl for consumption of my meals, an array of panties for me to wear, and a gift certificate for the cigar bar W/we frequent. 

Master touched me very deeply with this card. i was fighting back tears of happiness when i read what the card said. He's said many of these things to me before and reading this card tugged on my emotional heart strings. 

In other news, i can be a bit melodramatic at times. i wronged Master twice yesterday and as W/we spoke about it last night, He said something to the affect that i spent too much time thinking about my mistakes and He knew how much i was beating myself up over what i did. 

Thank You Master. Thank You for a great Christmas, and thank You for allowing me to serve You and taking a 'chance' on me. 

At Your Service Master, 

slave chance

*sigh*

Can't seem to do anything right today... :(

One Step Forward Two Steps Back

i royally fucked up this morning. 

i didn't wake up to perform my usual routine to get Master out of the house this morning. 

this has happened once before and Master was direct with me about it. i feel horrible right now because He made sure W/we had a great Christmas together and boy did i fuck it up this morning. 

i'm very sorry for letting You down Master.

Double Feature

Master and i have been enjoying a great deal of quality time together.

W/we have expressed to each that W/we love each other. This is significant to me because O/our relationship has a romantic dynamic to it and that's not always the case in Master/slave relationships. It's what works for U/us and W/we enjoy it very much.

Last night Master took me to see the new Hobbit movie in 3D.

i'm not a sci-fi guy at all. Not a fan of the genre as a whole. i was actually dreading to see the movie as it was long in duration, two hours and forty minutes.

But once W/we got settled in at the theater, i realized that this was an aspect of my service to Him that i needed to improve on. Prior to going to the movie, i was all in my head about how much i didn't want to go see this film. As W/we settled in at the theater, i realized that going to see this movie wasn't about me and it was about providing service to meet Master's wants and needs. Once i realized this, i actually enjoyed the movie.

Master didn't explain to me anything about the movie or it's characters so it took a good thirty minutes for me to grasp what was taking place as the movie is a sequel.

During the movie, Master and i both were a bit handsy with one another and there were a couple of times that He wanted to play with my cock and balls, and as a good slave would do, i spread my legs for Him so He could do as He pleased.

At the completion of the movie Master told me i received a gold star for being there with Him.

W/we came home and had holiday coffee and ice cream.

When W/we went to bed, i initiated play time.

That's something unique to O/our dynamic. As His slave, i can kiss Him or initiate sex at any time. Just because i initiate sex doesn't mean that He will want to play. Also, when i initiate sex, there is no guarantee that i will be allowed to orgasm.

Master was nice last night in that He used lube to fuck me. W/we cuddled for a bit afterwards before going to bed.

W/we woke up this morning and Master doled out raping number two of the seven that i will receive for beating off seven times while He was out of town a couple of weeks ago.

Something happened during the raping that has never happened to me before. i entered into a new dimension of sorts into my head space. Usually when i'm in subspace, i am extremely verbal and tend to top from the bottom. i usually beg for Him to breed me and can be quite aggressive while pleasing Him at the same time. i also tend to tell Master how much pain i'm in even though He doesn't care in the moment.

The head space that i entered this morning was more of a utopia of sorts. i was in a lot of pain as Master tried a couple of new positions. While in this head space, i was unable to speak. i was moaning and groaning a lot, but i could not put together a coherent sentence if i tried. i was in a relaxed state despite the pain i was receiving and for the first time with Master, i truly felt like just an object, just a hole He was using to pleasure Himself. it was an amazing head rush to experience this and i am grateful for not only the punishment but also the opportunity to take this new path with Him.

Merry Christmas from A Master and His slave

This Past Weekend

This past weekend was full of ups and downs for me. Master and i had O/our disagreement on a few things that i publicly aired here on Friday morning. 

When Master came home from a work function on Friday night, i knew W/we'd be communicating about what went down prior to Him leaving for work. 

Fortunately as fate would have it, i would befriend a local gay slave who is close to my age and he serves a Sir 24/7 just a year shy of my Master's age. 

slave ai, as i will refer to him, and i spent most of Friday morning conversing over text messaging before moving to a series of phone calls in the afternoon. we discovered that we have a great deal of things in common in our own relationships. we have similar viewpoints on many Master/slave theories and scenarios, and it was quite refreshing to be able to communicate my frustrations to someone who has been living the life as a slave much longer than i have. slave ai has more years in his current relationship than i have in the two 24/7 Master/slave relationships i've had in my life. 

Master would eventually come home and i had dinner already prepared and was finishing up my evening routine. i finished showering and my scheduled cleanliness tasks. As i came out to clean up from dinner, Master grabbed me by hand and escorted me to the couch and told me to sit on the couch, a rare treat as i'm not allowed on the couch in His presence. 

W/we spoke for nearly an hour and a half and set the record straight. W/we re-examined most of the wants/needs/expectations dialogue that W/we had discussed prior to me moving to Indy. W/we found solutions to both of O/our frustrations and i genuinely feel that O/our relationship, O/our bond became so much stronger because of this conversation. 

Following the conversation, i finished cleaning up from dinner and then W/we headed to bed. Master then allowed me to eat His ass until i shot a load, which He would eventually force me to consume. My biggest frustration in the first three weeks of O/our relationship was that i felt that my sexual needs were not being met in the slightest so Master made sure that i was fulfilled by the end of the evening. W/we spoke in great detail about O/our understandings and perceptions of previous attempts of communication to rectify both of O/our wants and needs and there was obviously a disconnect on both sides of the relationship. 

But W/we got it all worked out and things are going very well. 

Saturday morning was a slight step back, but only in my mind. my kinky friends that i've shared this blog with will chuckle when i admit that i can be a bit melodramatic. On Saturday mornings, Master sleeps in an extra fifteen minutes as He does not have weekday rush hour traffic to contend with as He drives to work. On Saturday, Master overslept as He was out of town the prior weekend and forgot to turn his Saturday morning alarm back on. As a good slave set in a morning routine, there is a rough time frame that i am allowed to sleep in as Master gets in the shower and tends to His morning things that He does not need my assistance with. Needless to say my alarm for getting up to begin my morning service to Him went off and i noticed Master was still asleep next to me. i woke Him up and got Him going and thought i hit snooze on my cell phone, but, i actually turned it off and fell back to sleep. Master got out of the shower and His coffee was not prepared because His slave was asleep in bed. 

Master came into O/our bedroom and muttered something about His coffee and i had an "oh shit" moment. Turns out Master wasn't as upset as i interpreted He was and with this being the morning after O/our long conversation, He reassured me that the whole morning was off from the get go and not dwell on it. 

After the exhausting conversation that was Friday night, Master told me that Saturday could more less be an off day for me. i had completed all of my tasks for the apartment from the week but i still had to do the grocery shopping for the week and of course go to the gym here at O/our apartment. i would see Master off to work and went back to bed and slept until 2pm. i was out cold. As i've mentioned, i've really had a great deal of difficulty getting to sleep since i've been here to Indy. Master didn't want me to go back to sleep on Saturday but i asked Him if i could and He allowed me to. i got up, went to the gym, then hit Walmart for groceries, came home unpacked, and took care of my back door cleanliness in the event that Master wanted to use my body for His pleasure. 

Master came home, W/we set a game plan for the night as W/we were going out in a gay environment for the first time since i moved here. Master laid down for a nap, i cooked dinner, and W/we watched a couple episodes of Game Show Network's new show "The Chase".

Master and i don't have much in common in terms of what W/we watch on television or even films. Since Master owns me, literally, He gets His way nine times out of ten when it comes to television programming. He has given me the remote to pick a show of my choosing for my own enjoyment and i still seek permission to watch something that W/we both might enjoy. "The Chase" is one of those shows that W/we both can watch and enjoy spending quiet time together. 

W/we got all prettied up and headed out to the 501 Tavern, which is also considered to be the Indianapolis Eagle, a leather/levi bar that caters to a gay men. i had gone to the 501 the weekend before and met a lot of really great people. But on this past Saturday the younger crowd never showed up and it was kind of a shit show in terms of crowd. The crowd was no where near as packed as the weekend before and the average age of the patrons had to be in their 50's. W/we had a few drinks and called it a night. 

One of the take a ways from Saturday night was Master showing His dominance over me. Usually when W/we go anywhere i can wear whatever i choose provided i do not wear underwear, deodorant, or cologne. i still ask Master if it's okay to wear a certain outfit on any given day and Saturday night was the first night He didn't allow me to wear exactly what i wanted. i wanted to wear the yellow Timoteo jock that He bought for me a couple of weeks ago and i wound up wearing my Hello Kitty panties. As O/our night would go on, Master would pull the the waist line of the panties so the frilly lacey material could be shown. i asked permission to go to the bathroom, Master granted me that ability, and when i returned, i had tucked my tee shirt into my Hello Kitty panties and the fact that i was truly wearing panties for Master's pleasure was no longer subtle. 

Master isn't a huge bar guy and the gay bars is where i've made the majority, if not all of my gay friends in my life. Eleven years separate Master and i so W/we have two different and distinctive gay upbringings. i graduated high school in 1998 and that was about the time that "everybody" was getting onto the World Wide Web. My early days as a young gay were spent in AOL chat rooms meeting guys online and then meeting them out in a bar or club in Washington, D.C. Master admitted that He never was a gay bar type but He still had fun. 

i think for New Years Eve W/we're going to hit a gay owned and operated sushi bar in Indy before winding up at the 501 for the evening's celebration. 

Sunday we had established plans to travel to Cincinnati to go to IKEA and find some furniture pieces that W/we need for the apartment. Master was looking for an entertainment center as well as a piece of furniture for my clothes. my clothes are currently sitting in a card board box in a very unorganized fashion. W/we found both pieces but IKEA didn't have to right drawers to go into the entertainment center so W/we wound up with just a dresser that i'm going to attempt to put together later today. 

Master did something HUGE for me traveling both ways to Cincinnati. He made me wear a pair of leather wrist restraints for the duration of the two hour car ride as well as a spandex hood. The hood allows me to only see light but not actual objects. my car seat was lowered so other passengers in other vehicles couldn't see that i was hooded as well as cuffed. Master along the way undid my belt, opened up my jeans, and exposed my bare cock and balls for the ride. Along the way He would caress my cock and balls as i was restrained and couldn't see anything other than light through the spandex hood. 

O/our first stop was at Hustler Hollywood, a large adult toy store. i was hoping Master would find a chastity device to lock me up in but at this particular store they did not allow customers to try on products nor were returns allowed. Part of O/our dilemma with finding a chastity device for me is that my scrotum is huge. Literally, i had bull sized testicles and a lot of additional skin on my scrotum. i don't fit cock rings with a diameter of two inches. Master purchased an expandable cock ring that can be expanded up 2.30" and that didn't fit. So as it turns out, it doesn't appear that there is a chastity device on the market that will fit. 

i'm a bit disappointed in this because it means that W/we'll have to have a custom device made and chastity is an area of curiosity for both Master and myself. Instead of getting a device for Christmas, it looks like i'm going to have to wait a lot longer to fulfill this fantasy and this dream (being made to wear a chastity device for the long term). 

W/we had a great meal on the way home at Steak N Shake and i would fall asleep while cuffed and hooded in the car. 

All in all, a great weekend, and i am madly in love with Master. 

Thank You Master

...for letting Your slave cum 0-:) 

Hurting

my ego is a little bruised at the moment. I was scolded this morning just prior to Master leaving for work. Master's intent for this blog is for me to express my feelings, and here goes. 

There were a few things that irked Him last night, none of which were previously mentioned to me, and pointed out in a condescending tone. 

i didn't take it personally until Master said i was looking out for my own needs instead of His... and that really hurt my feelings. i was then accused of laughing at Him in the middle of the night when He put ear plugs in because i snore loudly. 

i would never disrespect Master by laughing at Him for doing something that benefits me, Master allowing me to sleep in His bed every night. i realize how lucky i am to be allowed to share a bed with Him. my previous Masters locked me in a steel cage in Their basement to sleep every night. Master was so convinced that i was laughing at Him i felt like He was accusing me of lying to Him. 

i got home early from a meeting i attended last night, douched, showered, and climbed into bed. i had laid out the blankets i use on the floor, as i'm not allowed on any furniture except the bed, just as i've done every night for the past three weeks, and out of no where it's an issue?!?!

there were some other minor cleanliness of the apartment issues that i had failed to notice and i take full responsibility for that. it would've been appreciated, however, if these issues were mentioned previously and not until it all bottled up at once. Master had casually mentioned a few tips for household cleanliness on Wednesday night and He wasn't condescending about it at all. 

apparently, i also can be "hostile" at times and i subsequently mentioned in a very sarcastic tone that had i been allowed to orgasm in the past three weeks, i may have a different outlook on things. And then i was told "maybe you should go find a boyfriend who will let you cum". 

So much for this relationship being a two way street? Me sucking Him off, getting fucked, and licking toes has been the majority of the sexual activity between U/us. Master has asked me what He can do for me to have my sexual needs be met aside from having an orgasm? And i reiterated that i love being in bondage for the sake of being bound, being degraded/humiliated and there has been very little of any of that. He's dumped 14 loads into me and i haven't had permission to orgasm once, does it really surprise A/anyone that i beat my cock until i was shooting blanks and then some last weekend? i had NEVER taken a raw load anally until my first day here. What else do i have to do to have my basic sexual needs met? 

W/we spent weeks talking about different scenarios and situations and very little of that has come to fruition. How it was drawn up and what it really is are two different things. For example, during the aftercare following the punishment the other night, Master was asking me questions and i was answering His questions formally by replying "yes Master" or "no Master" and He asked me why i was being formal and i stated "because i feel like it's the right thing to do following a punishment." Master then told me that i didn't have to always call Him Master. 

i love, care, respect and trust Master. This morning isn't a deal breaker or the end of a short lived Master/slave relationship. it's a bump in the road. W/we'll get through this and be better for it. Master took a chance on me moving here, knowing my poor work history, knowing what my monthly expenses are and that i have no income currently... i feel so incredibly indebted to Him. my feelings are hurting right now because i'm letting Him down. 

i'm also frustrated in that i spend so much time in this apartment alone. i've being going to the gym in O/our building just about everyday. Master usually gives me a list of things to do during the day and the list doesn't usually take more than an hour or so to complete. most days i go back to bed after i get Him off to work, sleep until whenever i wake up (usually between 12-2pm), fuck around on Facebook for a bit, go to the gym then start my chores and make dinner. 

i agreed to come here to serve Master because my life was unmanageable. i couldn't hold a job despite having a degree, my finances are a mess, i was living with my parents, and oh yeah, i was on the verge of jumping off a bridge 50 days ago. In these past three weeks, Master has rebuilt my self-esteem. i just wish He'd provide me with more structure, more direction, and utilize me as the slave W/we both want me to become. i am so grateful for the opportunity He's given me and i hope i can learn to serve Him better. 

Master has done a lot of nice things for me since i've been here. There have been a number of great meals together at restaurants that i typically could not afford, He's purchased some sexy new undergarments for me, and He's even sat through a couple of cigars and a football game. i don't want to come across as an unappreciative lazy fuck, i just want Master to know how much i care about His wants and needs. i want to be a part of His life as His slave and His property. And i'm willing to be retrained to make that dream become a reality. i hope Master understands that i want to make this work. i'm not giving up on Him and i hope He hasn't given up on me. 

W/we're Still Here!

Not much going on with U/us the past few days. Just doing O/our thing. 

For whatever reason lately i've been having difficulty sleeping. W/we both have had commitments most of the week and W/we haven't spent a lot of time together. 

i'm going to wake Master up here shortly with a blow job. i just want to remind Him i'm still here to serve Him. *evil grin* What can i say? i'm a horny slave who loves sucking His Master/Owner's cock. 

W/we're planning a day trip this weekend. Sundays are "O/our" day for one another and W/we didn't get to spend a lot of time together last Sunday. 

Hopefully W/we'll have more time soon! 

Ouchies

A few hours ago, i got what was finally coming to me... My first punishment. 

Master says i've been good "about 97%" of the time and up until last night verbal shaming was His method for behavioral modification. 

While He was out of town this past weekend, i took the liberty of cumming seven times in about a fifty-six hour period. my last orgasm was Thanksgiving, more than two weeks since slave chance last released. 

i was so incredibly horny and i knew Master would ask. i figured the worst i'd receive would be a real good ass whooping and i was wrong. 

Master raped His slave's ass. No lubrication and it had been nearly a week since He last used my hole to pleasure Himself. I hadn't had an orgasm since prior to moving to Indy. And let me tell Y/you if i had known what the penalty was going to be i may had only jerked off once. 

After He thrusted His cock into my tight ass, i pulled away, a real no-no for slaves being punished. Master grabbed me by my waist to reposition me, spanked my ass pretty hard with both hands and shoved His cock into my unlubed asshole yet again. i would unintentionally pull away from Him two more times out of sheer pain i was experiencing. Each time i pulled away the spankings intensified. 

Master loves to choke His slaves. There was a lot of choking and tugging on my chain collar during the punishment. i have never been choked while being fucked, and to my surprise i really enjoy it. Once Master had enough of fucking His slave doggy style, He flipped me over on my back, smothered my face with a pillow, and continued to unmercifully fuck the holy hell out of me. After what seemed like an eternity, i was really having difficulty breathing and i removed the pillow from my face and started coughing. 

Master continued to fuck my brains out while i was gasping for air. Once i started breathing normally again, He used the pillow to forcefully deny me from breathing through my mouth, but keeping my nose exposed so i could breathe without any difficulty. 

Master dropped a massive load in my ass and after He was done marking His territory, He provided aftercare by cuddling me and holding me under His arms. Aftercare, in my opinion, is one of Master's strengths. 

When W/we first started having serious dialogue about this relationship W/we really wanted to take a practical approach to it. W/we both had been in Master/slave relationships before and W/we agreed that there is a very fine line between fantasy and reality. 

i have served Men who never would've allowed me to remove that pillow from my face when i had difficulty breathing. But Master gets it. He knows i haven't been a submissive in a very long time and there are just some things He will have to work up to. O/our relationship is safe, sane, and consensual. i made every attempt possible to keep from removing that pillow but i just couldn't go any longer. i tried to focus on Master's eyes immediately after i removed the pillow and couldn't quite focus on Him but i was fully aware of where i was and what was going on. 

While the pillow thing wasn't discussed during the aftercare, i know i am okay for doing that because i made a real effort to make sure His pleasure came before my own. Neither one of U/us want to cause harm or injury to one A/another, and i'm fairly confident Master knows that i was at my own breaking point. 

The worst part of the punishment? Knowing i have six more unlubricated rapings in my future. One raping for every orgasm without permission. my asshole has been on fire since He punished me and i am grateful for the experience of the punishment. i thanked Master afterwards for the punishment. 

At Your Service, Master. 

Treat Me Like A Bank and Make A Deposit

The title of this entry really has nothing to do with the post itself. Just a little inside joke between U/us.

i took a few days off from the blog as Master was out of town for the weekend. He left me with a few bucks to go explore Indianapolis. As part of the structure of O/our relationship, Master controls all of His slave's money. i have no access to cash, debit cards, or credit cards. Truth be told i'm horrible when it comes to fiscal responsibility.

But i digress.

When W/we started talking about the possibility of me moving here to be His slave, i started looking at resources within the community for those that live in power exchange relationships. One of the groups that i was aware of from my past as a gay rights activist in Washington, D.C. was Master And slaves Together (www.mast.net, MAsT).

The first MAsT meeting was held Friday night and i had plans on going. Friday night (the 13th) was an odd night as there were a bunch of lifestyle events going on and the area was being hit with a snowstorm that dumped six inches of snow on us overnight.

Needless to say there were only three of U/us at the meeting. i have mixed feelings after the meeting, but i'm going to go back next month to see if it's the right fit for U/us.

Saturday night i went to the Indianapolis Eagle, also known as The 5, as its physical street address is 501 College Avenue. The Eagle was the same place where MAsT was the night previously.

While at the MAsT meeting, i was told that there weren't enough kinky gay people to support a gay leather bar in Indianapolis and i found this information to be grossly inaccurate. Not only was the Eagle packed but everyone for the most part were friendly and approachable.

i hadn't planned on staying the whole night as i ran out of funds early on. But i did wind up staying because i met a lot of new people and were enjoying T/their company.

Sunday was spent doing chores all day in prepartion of Master's arrival back home. He came home in the early evening, about half hour after i completed everything that needed to be done. W/we spent a few hours taking a nap, which was really nice, and Master held His slave under His arms for the duration of the nap.

When W/we sleep together at night W/we usually start out holding O/one another before W/we gradually separate only to wind back up near O/one another when W/we wake up.

After O/our nap, W/we had a great meal at P.F. Changs. It was my first time being at one of their restaurants and i thought it was not bad. Average, just ok.

W/we came home and had a really great bedtime talk. i was very candid and communicated my thoughts and feelings and W/we worked through some issues. W/we both now have things that W/we agree not to say to one another because what is said W/we both take personally.

i've a very sensitive person. Many of my friends that i've given the blog link to may not know that i take a lot of things too personally. Over the past few years, i've developed a split personality of sorts in that i put up a front to pretend to be something that i wasn't to feel better about myself.

In the 16 days that i've been here with Master, He's allowed me to be me and i haven't had to continue to live a life of lying and shame. He's really been working on my self esteem. i was so proud to be His slave when i went out on Saturday night, i wore a tee shirt that read "Fuck Me Like You Hate Me" with my chain collar and the little "Master" padlock exposed.

Master owns this slave.

i've become more comfortable out in public wearing His collar. And i've become more comfortable with telling people that i'm an owned slave or just flat out that i'm His property. i've been riding an incredible high now for a couple of weeks and i hope things stay this way. i've come a long way since November 2nd, and Master deserves a lot of credit for that.

PWT

PWT? Point well taken. 

As i type out this post, Master is currently asleep with His arm over me and His naked body firmly pressed up against my naked body. 

This Man knows how to push all of my right buttons and He does it so well. 

Tonight i was already in bed when Master got home shortly before 9pm. He had mentioned earlier in the day that W/we were going to bed early. The apartment was unusually cold this evening, even while laying on the floor wrapped in multiple fleece blankets. 

i was in bed moments before Master arrived home and stayed put until He came to bed about a half hour later. Bedtime has become a ritual of sorts in that it's been the time that W/we both candidly discuss O/our wants, needs, and expectations as they pertain to the early days of this relationship. 

Master removed the blankets from the bed and sat upright with His legs crossed Indian style. He asked me a couple of times if i had anything on my mind and i stated i didn't. 

He started this evening's training scene and it was quite similar to the one i described in my last entry. Only this time i was hooded (spandex hood, mouth opening only) and He gagged me with the briefs He'd been wearing all day. The scene itself last for nearly an hour and during the aftercare W/we spoke specifically about my last post. 

He had read what i had written, understood my perspective, and demonstrated His understanding of the underlying message, as subtle as it was, and He ROCKED my world tonight. Master recognized that i was in my subspace and took complete control of the scene. He used me like the object He hopes i will one day be to Him. 

W/we touched on it afterwards during the  aftercare and i'm so incredibly proud to be His slave right now. 

Master gets it. 

And His slave has the utmost respect for its Master. my eyes are tearing up because it feels so awesome to have this connection, this level of respect, this level of trust so early on. 

i'm proud to wear His collar. 

i'm proud to be His slave. 

At Your Service Master, 

slave chance 

Areas of Weakness

i'm twelve days into my service and training with Master and there are some areas of weakness that i know i have to correct.

Master doesn't expect perfection from the start and says that i'll be able to achieve this in time.

Since arriving, i've had difficulty reaching my inner subspace.

Subspace, as defined by Wikipedia, in the context of a BDSM scene, is a psychological state that can sometimes be entered by the person bottoming in the scene. Subspace is a term used to describe the state that the bottom's (or submissive's) mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many bottoms to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Deep subspace may also cause a danger in newer submissives who are unfamiliar with the experience, and require the dominant to keep a careful watch to ensure their partner isn't in danger. Most submissives require aftercare while returning from subspace.

During the scene, the intense experiences of both pain and pleasure trigger a sympathetic nervous system response, which causes a release of epinephrine from the suprarenal glands, as well as a dump of endorphins and enkephalins. These natural chemicals, part of the fight or flight response, produce the same effect as a morphine-like drug, increasing the pain tolerance of the submissive as the scene becomes more intense. Since the increase of hormones and chemicals produces a sort of trance-like state, the submissive starts to feel out-of-body, detached from reality, and as the high comes down, and the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, a deep exhaustion, as well as incoherence. Many submissives, upon reaching a height of subspace, will lose all sensation of pain, as any stimulus causes the period to prolong.

i've only reached the point of subspace twice since i've been here. The first time was last Sunday morning when i was rewarded with the play scene that i asked for. The last time i reached subspace was last night.

Master had spent several minutes working my body over using various techniques of what i generally refer to as erotic touch and tease. Gentle biting, running Y/your finger tips over Y/your partner, soft kisses on different body parts.

i was so relaxed and easily slipped into subspace last night.

As i found out this morning, Master was not pleased with my service last night after He spent so much time working me over. i was a puddle of water. Master could've walked all over me last night, done practically anything He wanted, and i failed to deliver with the simple instructions He gave. i was disappointed in myself this morning that i was unable to please Him last night. i was caught off guard when He told me this morning.
i don't want to use entering subspace as an excuse for my poor performance. But it's obvious to me now that one of my areas of weakness is that i need to communicate my thoughts and feelings better. When Master expressed His displeasure this morning, i should've communicated what was going on in my head last night and found out if there were any physical signs or vibes that i was giving off that could've tipped Master off that i was in subspace last night. Instead, i should have been more forthcoming with what was going on upstairs.

More Resources

Just a few more resources before i get into what this blog is intended to be.

Since arriving in Indianapolis, i've received an overwhelming amount of inquiries from gay men in regards to O/our relationship. i've been granted the opportunity to seek out new friendships for U/us and i've done so by creating profiles on the various smartphone apps.

Each profile has the same gist to it. Something to the affect of 'owned. In monogamous leather lifestyle relationship. Seeking new friends who are accepting of the lifestyle we've chosen for ourselves'.

i'd like to provide a few resources for guys who are kink curious or may even want to entertain the idea of getting into some form of a power exchange relationship.

Fetlife- (www.fetlife.com) - Essentially Facebook for kinky folks. There are discussion groups dedicated to quite possibly every fetish imaginable and some really great people with experience on Fetlife. If Y/you decide to join and explore Fetlife, look U/us up. my screen name is slavechance.

CollarMe- (www.collarme.com) - Personal ad site. CollarMe isn't mainstream like Recon and that's precisely why i used it to seek a Master/Owner more so than Recon. Recon, in my opinion, became watered down once they brought out the smartphone application. Anybody looking to get their rocks off can sign up for Recon over their phone, even if they aren't kinky. CollarMe has a mobile site, not to be confused with smartphone application.

Recon- (www.recon.com) - Personal ad site. More mainstream than CollarMe. In my opinion, Recon is more of a hookup site.

my Slave Registration Number (SLRN)

Prior to moving to Indianapolis to start training with Master, He had me register myself on the Slave Registration website. The Slave Registry is a central place for to identifying slaves or submissives worldwide.

my SLRN number is 926-124-160.

It is Master's hope to one day have me tattooed with this number as well as a barcode to symbolize that He owns me as His property. Just like any other object that can be traded or sold, only Master has no desire to do such with me.

The SLRN site provides Masters with Certificates of Ownership and files to mark Their property with barcodes and what have you.

There is no legal obligation by registering yourself on the SLRN site as slavery is illegal here in the United States.

The First Week

As previously mentioned, i arrived to Master's home on Sunday December 1, 2013 and was promptly collared with a training collar. 

W/we spent the first day getting reacquainted and taking it easy. Master took me out for a nice dinner to a restaurant within walking distance from O/our home. On the way, i had made a comment that W/we were going out on O/our "second first date". During dinner, Master had me nearly in tears going through the details of the mental breakdown. Dinner was also the first time since September 2002 that i wore a chain collar out in public. i felt like everyone in the restaurant was looking at me and that felt a bit uncomfortable. i've become more comfortable since that first night with wearing my collar in public. 

At the conclusion of the first day, i had been awake for 46 of the past 52 hours. Master and i had plans first thing on Monday the 2nd but He allowed  me to sleep instead. And sleep i did... fourteen consecutive hours. The drive to Indianapolis was literally the biggest thing i had done in four weeks. 

Master returned to work on Tuesday and left a list of chores for me to complete. He started training with creating a routine for me in the morning. He's kept this routine since. 

Wednesday was a rough day for me. It was a family members birthday and a phone call home was in order. This particular family member was the family member that triggered the mental breakdown. After the call home, i was unmotivated and did not complete any of my chores. i spent the day doing things on my terms and doing what was best for me, and i was totally in the wrong. 

When Master came home from work and found out that i did not complete the chores He assigned for me, He was disappointed. i received a stern lecture on my responsibilities and my focus on Him and not myself. i was embarrassed and ashamed, and He was right. 

The rest of the week is kind of a blur. i spent the rest of the week in O/our apartment doing chores and striving to be a more obedient slave. W/we live in a small one bedroom apartment that is tight for two people to live in. When i arrived, i knew one of my major tasks was to better organize the apartment as Master had just moved here a few months ago and had only unpacked the essentials. i spent the rest of the week setting up the Christmas tree and making the apartment more livable.

One of the tasks that i was given was to reorganize the bedroom which consisted of a handful of boxes and other items that i doubt had been touched since He first moved in. i needed to find a home within the apartment for all of this stuff and there was literally no place to put anything. The apartment itself almost is a half circle in shape. In the bedroom Master has a book shelf that was at the far end of the apartment and where the wall meets the windows there is a ledge that creates a 45 degree angle with the wall. i decided to move the book shelf away from this corner which allowed me to stack the boxes and put the miscellaneous items behind the boxes in a neatly arranged stack.

Master was so impressed with the completion of this task that He rewarded me with a play scene of my choosing. i asked for the scene and He allowed it to happen. 

On Sunday the 8th, W/we engaged in the scene that i requested. 

my biggest fetish is bondage. Bondage doesn't do much for Master so i was grateful and appreciative of the opportunity to serve Him while being completely immobilized.

 

i'm going to go on record and state that Master fucks me like a Champ. i've told Him this. Its funny how things work out. Prior to meeting Master in 2008, i hadn't bottomed since 2005, and after W/we met, i hadn't bottomed again at all. i LOVE being fucked by Master. He's an excellent top when it comes to anal sex. 

Went spent the rest of the day, Sunday the 8th, touring the Indianapolis area. W/we started with breakfast at IHOP and i was allowed to suggest what food i was going to consume for breakfast. One of the controls that Master has over me early in this relationship is the ability and control to order meals for me when W/we're out at restaurants. i was able to order the style of pancakes i wanted and He chose the rest of the breakfast for me. i took a little pleasure when O/our server approached the table, noticed the collar, and a moment of awkwardness occurred. She appeared to be a bit uncomfortable when she approached the table. 

After breakfast Master took me on a driving tour of Indianapolis and showed me routes that He had learned. W/we found some gay establishments downtown and even did a little shopping in an area of the city known as Broad Ripple. Broad Ripple is an avenue of sorts that has different kinds of boutique-y shops. Master took me to a store called Tool Box (www.toolboxindy.com). i was secretly dreading going to any place called Tool Box as i assumed that it was a store with home improvement type stuff, and i thought "oh great, more crap to find a home for". But again, i was WRONG! Tool Box is an underwear store that caters towards men. Gay owned and operated. 

Master had me try on several pairs of jocks, manties, and undies. i shocked Master when i first exited the dressing room wearing nothing but my collar and a Timoteo jock brief. my ass was hanging out and i had no problem being damn near naked in front of the owner of the shop and another customer in the store. i have wanted a Timoteo jock since they first came out a few years ago. But the problem has been that Timoteo doesn't make things in XXL. Well fortunately for me, i've lost a considerable amount of weight since June and i was able to fit in the waist into one of these jocks. Master wound up getting me this jock (yellow... mmm yellow) and a pair of Andrew Christian briefs that elegantly expose my butt. 

Following shopping, Master showed me the area that we live in a little bit better and W/we found a cigar bar about a half mile from the apartment. i'm an avid cigar smoker. i smoke cigars to relax and is not a fetish. i spent a few minutes in the humidor looking at the product and the prices and Master eventually would offer to stay and enjoy a glass of wine while i smoked a cigar. i was so happy Master allowed me to smoke a cigar. During the two and a half hours that W/we were there, W/we cleared up a miscommunication that occurred when W/we were speaking over Yahoo Messenger. i had thought Master stated that my ability to smoke cigars would be phased out when His intent was that i wouldn't be smoking cigars every day as i was when i was a free unowned man. 

W/we went to dinner following the cigar bar. W/we went to a Mongolian grill and Master didn't have to order for me because it was a buffet style restaurant. 

The first week had it's ups and downs and overall it was a great week. 

i started the week focusing more on my own wants and needs and turned that around by the end of the week. Everything that i do now has Master's best interests in mind. 

Monday morning i sent Master an email thanking Him for a wonderful Sunday. Master was aware prior to my arrival that i tend to be clingy when it comes to relationships and it was in this email that i admitted to Him that i was "attached". i'm looking forward to the coming days, weeks, months, and hopefully years of service to Him and the journey that lies ahead. 

How It All Started

Master and i met in the Fall of 2008 after several weeks of communication. W/we found each O/other on a personal ad site that caters to gay men into kink and fetishes.

Neither of U/us can remember how this came about but i was ordered to arrive in panties for O/our first meeting. i had went to a store en route to Master's home that sold plus sized panties. i am a beefy slave. At the time, i was living in Maryland and Master lived a few hours away in Virginia. Neither of U/us remember how the panty thing came to be. Neither of U/us were into panties and that has since changed.

W/we had a great weekend together and after the weekend, W/we decided that the distance was just too great for U/us to have a relationship of any sort. W/we both had hectic work schedules and finding time to get together was tough.

W/we kept in contact over the years thanks to Facebook.

Master checked in on me over the next five years and W/we continued to exchange dialogue.

W/we both have since had vanilla long term relationships since O/our first meeting. Following the end of Master's last relationship, He made subtle suggestions about entertaining the idea of a Master/slave relationship again, and i never caught on.

On Saturday November 2nd, 2013, i suffered a complete mental breakdown. While Master tells me i need to move beyond this event in my life, it's a day that i'll never forget. i have since received treatment for the breakdown and continue with that on a daily basis. i was never hospitalized and underwent a professional psychological evaluation and it turns out i'm not crazy after all!

November 2nd is an important date for me because literally fourteen hours prior to the breakdown, Master and i started the groundwork for what would lead me to relocate to Him to begin training as His slave on December 1, 2013.

In the days after the attack, Master and i were in constant communication. There were about twelve friends that came to my aid and were my crutch for the next four weeks. i was placed on bed rest for two weeks and Master was one of those friends that i heavily relied on to get me through to the next day. W/we began texting each morning and He'd check on me through out the day while He was at work. In the evening, W/we would have several hour conversations over Yahoo Messenger.

About a week following the attack, Master proposed that i relocate to Indiana where He currently resides and work towards developing a true Master/slave power exchange relationship. W/we continued to discuss O/our wants, needs, and expectations, and on the night of November 30th, i left Maryland to start my new life as His slave and property.

i drove over 650 miles to Indiana and Master locked a training collar on my neck shortly after arrival. In the 10 days since, W/we've started to establish protocols and routines to lay a foundation for O/our relationship.

Both of U/us have previously lived in the BDSM lifestyle. Master owned a slave for a while that eventually became a boyfriend to Him. i have been collared twice, once as a part time boy, and the other as a live in slave. While a live in slave, i was owned by a couple in Kansas City where i served my Masters strictly as a kept (meaning held no employment) slave. i was responsible for all household duties and was Master's sex toy.

W/we've decided on trying a relationship dynamic where Master and slave is the power dynamic, but, W/we also are working on a romantic relationship as well. W/we have goals and set a path for the future. There are several options that Master has as to how this relationship plays out.

Right now, W/we're easing into a Master/slave relationship and W/we've been very affectionate with O/one another. i am so grateful that Master offered this opportunity to me and i'm hoping to serve Him one day as his permanent slave.

Welcome to O/our blog!

Hello and welcome to A Master and His slave, a blog created to document a Master-slave relationship  between my Master and His slave, slave chance.

W/we are a gay couple living together in Indianapolis and W/we have started laying the groundwork towards building a total power exchange relationship.

What exactly does this mean?

Master and i both have mutual desires to have a loving relationship where i as His slave consensually give all control to Master. After many months of training in areas of domestic service, sexual service, financial domination, and emotional conditioning, Master may claim me as His permanent slave. There is no limitation as to what Master can or will do to His slave. i will be considered His slave and property, no different than any other possession such as a car, a piece of furniture, or any other object. That's one of O/our goals.. for me to become His object.