Areas of Weakness

i'm twelve days into my service and training with Master and there are some areas of weakness that i know i have to correct.

Master doesn't expect perfection from the start and says that i'll be able to achieve this in time.

Since arriving, i've had difficulty reaching my inner subspace.

Subspace, as defined by Wikipedia, in the context of a BDSM scene, is a psychological state that can sometimes be entered by the person bottoming in the scene. Subspace is a term used to describe the state that the bottom's (or submissive's) mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many bottoms to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Deep subspace may also cause a danger in newer submissives who are unfamiliar with the experience, and require the dominant to keep a careful watch to ensure their partner isn't in danger. Most submissives require aftercare while returning from subspace.

During the scene, the intense experiences of both pain and pleasure trigger a sympathetic nervous system response, which causes a release of epinephrine from the suprarenal glands, as well as a dump of endorphins and enkephalins. These natural chemicals, part of the fight or flight response, produce the same effect as a morphine-like drug, increasing the pain tolerance of the submissive as the scene becomes more intense. Since the increase of hormones and chemicals produces a sort of trance-like state, the submissive starts to feel out-of-body, detached from reality, and as the high comes down, and the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, a deep exhaustion, as well as incoherence. Many submissives, upon reaching a height of subspace, will lose all sensation of pain, as any stimulus causes the period to prolong.

i've only reached the point of subspace twice since i've been here. The first time was last Sunday morning when i was rewarded with the play scene that i asked for. The last time i reached subspace was last night.

Master had spent several minutes working my body over using various techniques of what i generally refer to as erotic touch and tease. Gentle biting, running Y/your finger tips over Y/your partner, soft kisses on different body parts.

i was so relaxed and easily slipped into subspace last night.

As i found out this morning, Master was not pleased with my service last night after He spent so much time working me over. i was a puddle of water. Master could've walked all over me last night, done practically anything He wanted, and i failed to deliver with the simple instructions He gave. i was disappointed in myself this morning that i was unable to please Him last night. i was caught off guard when He told me this morning.
i don't want to use entering subspace as an excuse for my poor performance. But it's obvious to me now that one of my areas of weakness is that i need to communicate my thoughts and feelings better. When Master expressed His displeasure this morning, i should've communicated what was going on in my head last night and found out if there were any physical signs or vibes that i was giving off that could've tipped Master off that i was in subspace last night. Instead, i should have been more forthcoming with what was going on upstairs.